Eager to Please

Okay sooo I haven’t made it to the gym like I wanted to, stupid me forgot my gym shoes when I had gotten there last night and snow boots were just not going to work for me, I was there to run! So I went home, but I did get my sweat on, shoveled the sidewalks and driveway. Haven’t done that since I was about 10 years old; thanks dad for always being the snow plower/shoveler J  Needless to say if you’ve ever shoveled snow it’s a good workout, not to mention here in the lovely mitten we got 6 inches of slushy, wet snow…shit was heavy! Still, good workout so I’m not gonna bitch.

So yeah, got that sweat sesh on but still feel a little slackerish, also because I made brownies last night and had wayyy to many… grrr! Oh well, can’t sit here and dwell on regret, just need to learn to make better decisions. Any tips on that I would love because I could sure use them!

I kind of want to address a topic on my mind about friendship. I would consider myself someone who usually aims to please; sometimes to a fault. I generally will agree to whatever my friends want to do even if it’s not exactly what I want, because I don’t want to start any disagreements. I think this has worked to a disadvantage for me.

I don’t think anyone is aware of it or intentionally does it of course, but I think people are so used to me going with the flow, that they don’t think to ask what I want to do, or when it comes down to me asking them to come out with me where I want for once, they bail on me or try to change the plan to what they want to do, my theory is that this all happens because I put out that attitude that I’m not going to care or feel hurt if they do.

I guess it just feels like an unknown to anyone but me double standard. But maybe I’m being way too sensitive, maybe I’m even being passive aggressive by writing about it in here instead of talking to them about it. But that goes back to the not wanting to have a disagreement; I have a hard time being honest about my feelings, face to face at least, because I don’t want to hurt other people or making them feel bad. Plus, some people are rather hard to get through to, the minute you have a “problem” or whatever you need to talk about, they go into defense mode like you’re trying to attack them. That has been the most common response when I approach people, which is why I have such a hard time doing so these days. And I swear it’s not the way I approach a situation, I know how to come at someone in a very, very polite, tip-toeing on egg shells manner; it’s just the type of people I’m trying to get through to I think/hope? I just wish it was that simple to convey how you feel and have it sink in, without affecting someone negatively at all. That, ladies and lads, is just not how life goes.

On a fun note I have a fun weekend to look forward to with all my favorite people. The boy is in town; it’s one of my BFF’s birthdays and were taking a party bus out on the town and getting weird! Hell to the yeah! Wish me luck in getting to the gym tomorrow after work, or at least getting a snowy run in! Leave me some love y’all. Have a wonderful day! <3 yours truly

 

More Progress

Goodness time sure does fly by I can’t believe how long I let blogging go undone for! I think I didn’t have as much material to post because I wanted to change the theme of this blog to a weight loss journey, but I mistakenly thought I couldn’t blog about anything else during the time of this weight loss journey. Eh, wrong.  I also haven’t turned into a psychotic gym junkie like I would’ve liked, I think I might need to find a new gym, or change the hours I go, it’s just way too busy for my liking. But anywho I’m here to update yall on some thangs.

I still have been making it to the gym a couple times a week, but I’m also still lacking in the adding more than just cardio into my workout (although I did do arms last night, yay me! ). I think I was just trying to condition myself into a runner more than anything first, but I know that my flab won’t tone up without some weight lifting added in. I have made some good progress with running. Finally pegged down a good pace for me and learned how fast a run a mile. For those of you who are curious 13 minutes is the time at a 4.5mph pace. Yes I would like it to be faster, but was also surprised it wasn’t worse. That’s pretty good for an asthmatic who smokes on the weekends (tisk tisk girly, I know). I'm also pretty excited to run my 3rd 5k in May; doing The Color Run again this year, so much fun last year! I also haven’t lost or gained any weight, which sucks and is good, obviously I’d like to see some results but I have been getting some crazy compliments and attention lately, I don’t get it. I must be putting out some good vibes lately. J

In the realm of personality changes I’ve been working on for months now, I’m doing decent. I am a big picture person who expects to make a change and it be done, not realizing most things take baby steps and that’s what I’ve got to do in each area of my life; be patient, things will work out as long as you stick with them and try hard, oh and of course as long as they’re meant to be. That’s a tricky one, being meant to be, but once you finally realize life isn’t fair you learn to get over things you wanted but didn’t get a little easier. So in terms of patience, I’ve grown some, just a little, but progress is what we’re striving for here.

I still have issues with positivity but that too is another thing I’ve realized I’m doing much better at than before, and that is something I need to acknowledge and be proud of. Giving yourself credit is for sure a part of the growing process. You won’t ever appreciate how far you’ve come or really feel it if you don’t acknowledge the right things you’ve done to get there.

You also have to do nice things for yourself to enjoy life every now and then, like vacation.  Here is a picture of me (2nd from left) and some friends doing a shot-ski at our friend’s chalet in Boyne, MI. Great times with great people J

I’m hoping to make the gym again tomorrow; tonight I’ve got birthday dinner at a fancy restaurant for my BFFs birthday. Hopefully my lazy bum will be back sooner than later to update on this crazy journey I call my life. Til then my friend, have a wonderful day!