Weekend Recap

Oh Monday, I’m not a fan of any week day, but you take the cake because you come first, all taking joy from my weekend fun and stuff…To recap my weekend I would probably say some negative things, but I need to learn to complain less and be more grateful, so I’m gonna try and shed some positive light over this recap.

Friday was all dandy, just worked all day, came home to my boy waiting at my house which was nice cause I only see him on weekends and then we went out with a bunch of our friends and had an okay time. I was a bit tired so I don’t think I was as much fun as I could’ve been.

Saturday I was really excited for; it was one of my BFFs birthdays and we were taking a party bus to Royal Oak and that means drunken weird times, which I love. It started off super fun, drinking heavily on the bus with a randomly awesome crowd of people, tho I have some random bruises from our bus drivers crazy driving. Then we got to the first bar, where before I even get in I…dun dun dun… lose my purse, including wallet, phone, etc.

ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?! I emphasize because if you knew me, you’d know I have lost my damn wallet/purse oh about every other month in the past year, sometimes more than once a month.

So I’m screwed, I run back to the bus to look for my wallet, by the time I come back, everyones in the bar already, bus was already gone, so what do I do? Sit on a bench in 20 degree weather in my dress smoking cigs for 2 hours. Thankfully my wonderful boyfriend noticed I was missing and pretty much stayed with me the entire time, poor guy, it was cold. All my friends were too shit faced to even know this was going on, so that sucked.  But on a bright note we did wander the streets with a local friend and got some good sliders and warmed up for a bit.

The crazy part is, I have bad and good luck; I lose the wallet a lot, but three times in a row now has someone found this exact wallet and sent it back/ called me. This time it was the door guy at the first bar; someone did steal $100 out of it, but left all my other shit… I don’t get it.. Oh well, still happy to have my stuff even tho I did already cancel every card and even my phone, such a hassle I always put myself through.

Once I charged my old phone I looked to see if anyone used it. They did. The door guy, texted my friend who was in the bar from my phone saying he found it. Sadly girlfran was too drunk to look at her phone and we didn’t find out until the next day someone had found it. It’s such an odd stroke of luck that I lose my shit, someone finds it, steals from it, leaves the rest; all of this happening while I’m literally sitting right there oblivious to it all.

So looking back trying to make a positive out of it isn’t too hard, I may have lost $100 bucks and had to pay another $100 to get a replacement phone and paid $35 to ride on the bus but those were really my only losses and they aren’t life or death things, so I need to learn to not get so upset. Actually I think I did a good job. Normally I would’ve sat there and cried or freaked out on someone, but I didn’t. Maybe I was too cold to know what to even think or say but I just sat. So I was proud because that’s not normally what I would’ve done. Okay I did cry the next morning when I got overwhelmed dealing with cancelling everything and paying for a new phone with no credit card lol but I got over it quickly and I didn’t get angry. So that’s a small success for me.

Tonight I am planning a quest to the gym, going to get a good run in, and hopefully some arms/abs, we’ll see. I feel bad leaving the dogs for long periods cause my roommates have been gone 2 weeks and they think they’re never coming back haha I digress… well here is a picture of some of us crazy fools on the bus. I’m the one in the red dress to the right of the stripper pole with the beer making a face. Typical me.

 

I hope yall have a spectacular day and week. Leave me some lovin in the comments or let me know what to write about, I’d sure appreciate it!

Inner Beauty

Watching an old school episode of MADE on MTV on my lunch break is what prompted today’s topic. Long story short the girl was a big tomboy and a bully with a foul mouth who wanted to be made into a pageant girl, a.k.a more proper. She talked about not being pretty and how she never has felt pretty in her entire life, and wishing she looked more like her friends. This made me think a lot about inner beauty and how it’s really important to recognize in yourself and other people.

There are a lot of people in this world who weren’t blessed with good looks, but are the most beautiful people, because of who they are. Just as there are some very good looking people in this world who are actually ugly because of who they truly are on the inside. Inner beauty shines out, so does inner ugly.

I felt such a relationship to this girl on the show because I was just like her when I was going through puberty. I’m sure my parents and friends would all say I’ve always been beautiful. Who is ever going to honestly tell you, “Sorry, you’re just not pretty”… let’s be honest. But my point is, I never felt that way for a very long time, I still have a hard time admitting to thinking I’m pretty (I have some fear of coming off conceited if I talk like that). I was a tomboy, always had my hair up, playing sports, cussing, but thankfully never a bully, and also, not the cutest; I actually was mistaken for a boy in my class when I had an awful haircut as a child. True story. Back to my point; it sucks to not feel pretty, because as we know, in our society looks matter.

 I struggled for a long time to be happy because all that mattered to me was how I looked. I was young and hadn’t even begun to discover who I was as a person yet, aside from what I looked like so I focused a lot on being teased for being overweight or ugly or boyish. I always had boys as friends but never any boys who had crushes on me. Not until I was in high school really. I wish it hadn’t taken me this long to get here, but I have finally gotten a really good grasp on who I am as a person. And do you know what, as it pains me to say it because I don’t want to come off conceited, I AM BEAUTIFUL.

I am beautiful because of who I am, nothing to do with looks at all. I don’t think I’m perfect, I definitely have flaws. But how I came to the conclusion of this is that my intentions are never ill. I have a bigger heart than I sometimes would like. Only once in my life has someone ever hurt me enough that I couldn’t give them any more chances. But even so, my heart still feels for that person on occasion, I don’t wish ill upon them, because I’m a kind person, I’d like to think. I also am beautiful because of my ability to laugh and make others laugh. I find humor healing and it definitely helps to not take things so seriously sometimes. Life needs to be fun.

The two things I do find ugly in myself are my negativity and lack of patience, which inspired my blog title. Not like I need to say much about it, we all know those are not good qualities, we all probably struggle with it. What I’m striving for is to get better with those things, and thankfully, with A LOT of hard work, I’m getting there, slowly but surely. Baby steps.  That’s what this journey is all about. I’m on a journey for inner peace, not happiness. Happiness is not a destination; it is inner peace; learning to be okay with the things life throws at you and still moving on peacefully with your life.

All in all I just really want to encourage everyone to always, always look within for self-worth. Looks truly shouldn’t matter, I know they do, and physical attraction and all that crap matters, but you know what I mean. It’s important to love yourself as a person, that’s where confidence should truly come from.

For now I leave you with a funny picture I found today. I’m terrible at accepting compliments so I found it funny, and yes im foul mouthed, love it or leave it, sorry! Leave me some love or suggestions on what I should write next please! Have a fantastical Friday friends! J

 

Eager to Please

Okay sooo I haven’t made it to the gym like I wanted to, stupid me forgot my gym shoes when I had gotten there last night and snow boots were just not going to work for me, I was there to run! So I went home, but I did get my sweat on, shoveled the sidewalks and driveway. Haven’t done that since I was about 10 years old; thanks dad for always being the snow plower/shoveler J  Needless to say if you’ve ever shoveled snow it’s a good workout, not to mention here in the lovely mitten we got 6 inches of slushy, wet snow…shit was heavy! Still, good workout so I’m not gonna bitch.

So yeah, got that sweat sesh on but still feel a little slackerish, also because I made brownies last night and had wayyy to many… grrr! Oh well, can’t sit here and dwell on regret, just need to learn to make better decisions. Any tips on that I would love because I could sure use them!

I kind of want to address a topic on my mind about friendship. I would consider myself someone who usually aims to please; sometimes to a fault. I generally will agree to whatever my friends want to do even if it’s not exactly what I want, because I don’t want to start any disagreements. I think this has worked to a disadvantage for me.

I don’t think anyone is aware of it or intentionally does it of course, but I think people are so used to me going with the flow, that they don’t think to ask what I want to do, or when it comes down to me asking them to come out with me where I want for once, they bail on me or try to change the plan to what they want to do, my theory is that this all happens because I put out that attitude that I’m not going to care or feel hurt if they do.

I guess it just feels like an unknown to anyone but me double standard. But maybe I’m being way too sensitive, maybe I’m even being passive aggressive by writing about it in here instead of talking to them about it. But that goes back to the not wanting to have a disagreement; I have a hard time being honest about my feelings, face to face at least, because I don’t want to hurt other people or making them feel bad. Plus, some people are rather hard to get through to, the minute you have a “problem” or whatever you need to talk about, they go into defense mode like you’re trying to attack them. That has been the most common response when I approach people, which is why I have such a hard time doing so these days. And I swear it’s not the way I approach a situation, I know how to come at someone in a very, very polite, tip-toeing on egg shells manner; it’s just the type of people I’m trying to get through to I think/hope? I just wish it was that simple to convey how you feel and have it sink in, without affecting someone negatively at all. That, ladies and lads, is just not how life goes.

On a fun note I have a fun weekend to look forward to with all my favorite people. The boy is in town; it’s one of my BFF’s birthdays and were taking a party bus out on the town and getting weird! Hell to the yeah! Wish me luck in getting to the gym tomorrow after work, or at least getting a snowy run in! Leave me some love y’all. Have a wonderful day! <3 yours truly

 

More Progress

Goodness time sure does fly by I can’t believe how long I let blogging go undone for! I think I didn’t have as much material to post because I wanted to change the theme of this blog to a weight loss journey, but I mistakenly thought I couldn’t blog about anything else during the time of this weight loss journey. Eh, wrong.  I also haven’t turned into a psychotic gym junkie like I would’ve liked, I think I might need to find a new gym, or change the hours I go, it’s just way too busy for my liking. But anywho I’m here to update yall on some thangs.

I still have been making it to the gym a couple times a week, but I’m also still lacking in the adding more than just cardio into my workout (although I did do arms last night, yay me! ). I think I was just trying to condition myself into a runner more than anything first, but I know that my flab won’t tone up without some weight lifting added in. I have made some good progress with running. Finally pegged down a good pace for me and learned how fast a run a mile. For those of you who are curious 13 minutes is the time at a 4.5mph pace. Yes I would like it to be faster, but was also surprised it wasn’t worse. That’s pretty good for an asthmatic who smokes on the weekends (tisk tisk girly, I know). I'm also pretty excited to run my 3rd 5k in May; doing The Color Run again this year, so much fun last year! I also haven’t lost or gained any weight, which sucks and is good, obviously I’d like to see some results but I have been getting some crazy compliments and attention lately, I don’t get it. I must be putting out some good vibes lately. J

In the realm of personality changes I’ve been working on for months now, I’m doing decent. I am a big picture person who expects to make a change and it be done, not realizing most things take baby steps and that’s what I’ve got to do in each area of my life; be patient, things will work out as long as you stick with them and try hard, oh and of course as long as they’re meant to be. That’s a tricky one, being meant to be, but once you finally realize life isn’t fair you learn to get over things you wanted but didn’t get a little easier. So in terms of patience, I’ve grown some, just a little, but progress is what we’re striving for here.

I still have issues with positivity but that too is another thing I’ve realized I’m doing much better at than before, and that is something I need to acknowledge and be proud of. Giving yourself credit is for sure a part of the growing process. You won’t ever appreciate how far you’ve come or really feel it if you don’t acknowledge the right things you’ve done to get there.

You also have to do nice things for yourself to enjoy life every now and then, like vacation.  Here is a picture of me (2nd from left) and some friends doing a shot-ski at our friend’s chalet in Boyne, MI. Great times with great people J

I’m hoping to make the gym again tomorrow; tonight I’ve got birthday dinner at a fancy restaurant for my BFFs birthday. Hopefully my lazy bum will be back sooner than later to update on this crazy journey I call my life. Til then my friend, have a wonderful day!

No Fast Food January

So the working out has been going decently, I still haven’t gotten in there as much as I would like. I’ve been discouraged by all the New Year’s resolutioners, which is bad because I should be encouraged by them and encouraging them. It’s crazy that despite the large ware house style gym I attend; there are not enough machines for everyone. Okay, well maybe there are but all I ever want is a treadmill, running has helped me tone up the most to date. Apparently everyone else knows my secret too.

I have a hard time lifting free weights because that’s like the “guys” section. I think I even have a hard time with the machines because they’re right in front of everyone on the cardio machines, everyone staring at you. I guess they probably do on the treadmill too but thankfully I can’t see behind me. So obviously what we can all gather from this is I have a confidence issue, I don’t like to be looked at, and it makes me all self-conscious.  I could really use some tips on how to power through and just do it, other than who gives a shit what other people think. Well, me, that’s why I’m saying this, I can’t just change my thought process at the drop of a hat, believe me I would if I could.

There is definitely something to that not caring what people think theory though. It has gotten me through a few other things in life, like learning to be my truest self, so why can’t it get me through this? Why am I so shy at the gym to look stupid yet I don’t care in most other daily situations? There’s not too many ways around this fear other than A. working out at home, which I only own 10lb free weights and a yoga mat, although I do know you can do body weight exercises at home, and B. Just getting the eff over it, I mean really, I’m supposed to be a grown adult and I can’t lift weights in fear of looking dumb? Maybe a gym buddy would help, but I think most people are just as clueless as me and I don’t want to be the leader of that pack. I kinda miss my gym buddy who was a guy who knew everything, that didn’t last long though, our work shifts were just different and he lived a little far away for us to commute to each other. Any who.

So, why not workout at home with the body weight exercises. Man I have an excuse for everything I swear, maybe that’s my problem. Well there’s just not room, my room is too small, I have roommates always using the common rooms and the basement is the dog fortress and grosses me out too much. There is a tiny room with an elliptical and no dog piss scent; maybe that will do. That’s it, by golly; just by writing today I have figured out how to solve that problem. I didn’t think I had space, but really I was just looking for an excuse not to work out. Not tonight.

The parents are coming over for dinner tonight so I will probably skip the gym itself but try and get a workout in at home, in the tiny basement room. Maybe I’ll even try a short run outside because it’s so nice. Idk though, my knee started acting up last night while running and I’ve never felt that way before, it even hurt when I  was walking. So I read if something hurts, rest it two days and if it still hurts rest more, if a few weeks in it still hurts it’s time to see a doctor. So for me, I think it doesn’t hurt while walking much at all today, let’s try a run tonight, maybe not my best idea but when I get in an exercise groove I try not to leave it.

So I’m proud to say it’s the second to last day of January and I succeeded in only effing up “No Fast Food January” once! Yay me! And Damn Taco Bell/Girls Night! I’m also proud to say that even though I’m still stuck between 160-165 lbs. I haven’t gone back up to 165 at all so I’m hoping I’m slowly but surely losing some weight! Next month will be a hard one to choose what to give up, my dad usually gives up alcohol for lent no problem but I’m a social butterfly who likes to have a good time, so that’s not realistic at all. Neither is giving up something I don’t have very often at all, like soda (maybe I shouldn’t have chosen fast food because I don’t eat much of that either) That’s my problem, I eat everything in moderation so I don’t think I have a diet problem, but it’s obviously whatever I’m eating is just not compatible with my metabolism. I digress. So next month I should try sweets, all of them, no desserts, no chocolates, and no ice creams. So February = No Dessert February. Try it with me, or maybe you can try no fast food February, that would’ve sounded better. Damn.

Well thanks for tuning in my loves, hopefully in a few days I’ll have some more good news for you, cross your fingers I can finally drop below 160, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen anything below that so I will be pretty darn excited.

Have a wonderful day everyone! J

Progress

So I had to post two posts in one day because the workout blog I wrote a week ago and forgot to post! Woops! Proud to say I’ve made some progress since then, even lost a couple pounds J

I didn’t start the week off great in terms of exercise but I didn’t eat any fast food! That’s what this month is going to be, no fast food January, and I did eff up once on girls night with some Taco Bell, so sue me, we all do it. But I did eventually make it to the gym; Weds, Thurs and Fri! A Friday workout is impressive for me, I’m very social and love to go out and it would take me extra-long to get ready if I go to the gym. I would’ve liked to go Saturday and Sunday but the social life a.k.a too tired after a long night of partying took over.

I’ve hated lifting at the gym lately; all the New Year’s resolutioners are there, takin up all my machines, frustrating me. But hey I can’t be upset when people are in there bettering themselves just like I’m trying to. But anyways I’ve been doing just little things at home in terms of lifting before I head to the gym to run. I usually find good workouts on Pinterest and I also know a thing or two from playing sports when I was younger, they always made you train and workout.

One feat I am very proud of lately is the increase in stamina I’ve had while running. I talked about running in my last post and forgot to mention a really big accomplishment, at least for me. I ran for 10 minutes straight! 20 total. That is a friggin miracle for this asthmatic smoker. And I’ll do ya one better, that happened weeks ago, and last night, I ran for 15 minutes straight, 30 total. Steppin my game up folks, and very proud of me. I’ve even been losing, wavering between 165/160 for a week, please oh please body and mind give me the strength to keep this up and see my results!

Now in terms of music and how I get myself going, because I don’t know about you, but I need some good jams to keep me going, I need more music. I already have two play lists called “workout” and “running” and they consist of mostly rock, techno and a little rap. I bet I could go longer/harder if I had more of a variety to listen to, definitely open to some suggestions, I like music with a beat so I have something to keep my legs going with, I can’t just run to anything, gotta be fast paced.

I was looking for pictures to do the before and after and at 185 I obviously didn’t have to many pictures taken of me, not where it’s very clear or where I look awful, but you know what it’s like to feel awful and that is enough. I know most people put up pictures in sports bras and stuff to show the big change but I don’t have any of those, not from 20 pounds ago at least, I do have a bikini pic but looking at it, I feel lame saying I look bad because there are people who would probably like to look like that, but for me I was really unhappy with my looks at that point in time, I still am but have made some progress I should be proud of.  I also happen to just carry my weight really well but the number on the scale kills me, maybe I need to just remember better that muscle weighs more than fat, I just need to get rid of the fat. So here’s the 185 pictures, I will try and get one from 165/now a.s.a.p. for you guys, the whole less clothing shebang too.

 

Side note I didn’t know shebang was a real word until just now, how funny.

Well thanks for tuning in; I promise to keep up with this thing. Keep me accountable tho guys, I need you! Hope yall have a wonderful day!

Weightloss Journey Begins

Ladies and Gentlemen, let’s get this thing started…time for the weight loss portion of the blog to begin! Firstly I have no idea what the heck I’m doing here as to outlining my workouts and nutrition and what not so maybe I’ll talk about planning before the beginning of posts. I mean I know how to work out and what works for me so that’s good, but I want to be one of those super gym freaks who goes almost every day of the week and maps out workouts and foods and snacks, it will benefit me and hopefully others to stick with it.

So far I just eat decently healthy, mostly home cooked meals with the occasional dining out or fast food and workout a few times a week if that. My workouts used to be better; I would do cardio for half an hour then lift a few weights. Now I just do cardio for an hour and feel tired and stretch, do abs then go home. I want the energy to be able to push; I want to be motivated to keep going. I need to sculpt my other muscles because I don’t want to become “skinny fat” which happens to runners who don’t exercise other muscle groups, they just run, which I’ve been doing. Oops!

I will say though, running has done tremendous things for me. We all know it’s great for you but let me just tell you my personal story so far because it even inspires me.

I never could run, my whole life; I have asthma. When I was young before I ruined my lungs with tobacco and whacky tabacky I still couldn’t run, not for long periods of time, I just get so winded. Then as an older person with my bad habits it was still really hard. I have learned to push through, and because of it I have learned most of what was holding me back was mental. Don’t get me wrong asthma is a real disease and will prohibit some physical activities, but I shouldn’t have used it as an excuse for as long as I have, it was really just me being out of shape.

So why do I love running now? Firstly, I have a huge cellulite problem, sometimes its genetic, others is from poor diet and exercise habits, or both; for me I think it’s both. But my cellulite has cleared up considerably since I started running a few months ago. And my legs, oh my stars my legs; I have hated them since forever, they’re thick, I have borderline cankles (even though everyone says I don’t, I hate them). Can you see where I get my self-hatred from? Haha My legs have looked thinner and better and more defined than they ever have in my whole life and I hope that continues. I just need to keep at it and get in there.

Diet you say? That is probably where I need the most improvement because health is 80% diet and 20% fitness. I can run all I want and still be a heffer eating McD’s all day (thankfully I do not do that). I live with my sister and her hub, who incidentally loves to cook, and I feel that homemade meals are healthier for you, even if it’s not the healthiest meal, it’s better than pizza or fast food right? So I eat that a lot, and on lunch I try to eat like lean quizines and soups, I check calories on a lot of things but am not the greatest at portioning. So my diet overall need improvement and I think I’ve got a few jump starts as to how.

Firstly my sister and her hub did this great thing last year where every month they gave up something; i.e. no pizza November, no desert December.. Etc. I think I’m going to have no fast food January, and I’ll give up something every month, like alcohol, deserts, certain food types, along with maintaining a good workout regimen. I also find when I stopped drinking as much it helped a lot, but we all know that’s how it goes with alcohol; empty calories.

So that’s the gist of it, what the plan is, I’ll keep you guys updated with my weekly workout schedule and what I eat and great music that gets me motivated. Oh and don’t you worry ill post before and after pics. I’ll post some from when I was 185 down to now: 165 and I’ll do pictures when I reach noticeable goal weights J

Thanks for stopping in, hope you check out the next post, weight loss journey, here we come!

Have a wonderful day!

Mindfulness: The Key To Life

I’m not very good at keeping up with blogging I’ve noticed. However I don’t think anybody follows unless I post the link on my Facebook or Pinterest and they’re bored so I’m sure nobodies missing it too badly. I might scratch the blog thing all together, maybe wait to post until I start a weight loss journey. I already basically have, but I wanted to do before and after pictures and a daily post on what I do and eat; but I’m a big slacker so that will be hard. I think people like to read inspiring stories though, and so far, I haven’t come up with much but the whole patience and positivity mentality…Well anyways I did want to talk about progress because I’ve finally realized I’m making some!!

So as you know I have been seeing a therapist over the past few months, not my first rodeo of course but the most successful one so far I’d say. I have made so much progress that I’ve let go pretty unnoticed until now because as a Capricorn, I see everything in the big picture format; i.e., if I’m not completely fixed and perfect, I haven’t made progress or fixed anything. Not the case.

One thing I’ve learned, and I’m beginning to believe this to be the key to life, is that the problem is never the situation; it is our THOUGHTS about the situation. Everything comes down to your mind and your thoughts and controlling your thoughts to be nothing but positive, good thoughts. So the problem I’ve had for the past 25 years is being super negative and impatient, and I know we all can be but I think that I needed professional help because my negativity was dragging me to an ugly, dark place, making me an ugly person, somebody that I truly am not deep down. So I learned the word mindfulness. That’s a better one liner to describe the “key to life”: Be mindful. Meaning be aware of your thoughts, if you start feeling negativity or ugliness rearing its head, stop yourself right there. It’s not easy but it has changed my life, being mindful and changing unhealthy patterns.

For me being mindful is when I’m driving in the car and catch myself starting to think those road-ragey thoughts when people aren’t driving as overly aggressive as I am. Or when I’m looking in the mirror and telling myself how fat/ugly I am, to stop and look at all the positive sayings and pictures I have posted around the mirror for that very reason. I also try to stop and think about my confidence level and how much its grown since losing 20 pounds last year and how I’ve realized how wonderful I truly am inside and out and how I deserve to feel and believe I am beautiful. Funny thing about that word is how many different things it means. I know I am beautiful, for sure, I have a friggin heart of gold man, but the physical standards most people hold the word beautiful to, are not things I seem to fit. But fuck other people, beauty shall now be my own definition of it, and I am beautiful, and if you have a good heart, so are you. See that right there is progress. Three months ago, I don’t think I could’ve told you I was beautiful, not honestly, and maybe not even out loud; because I was too scared of being judged or being seen as conceited or a liar for saying something untrue. Thankfully I’ve made a lot of progress on stopping that behavior.

One last thing I’d like to touch base on is my health improvements. I should take notes from my dad; 55 and being told by his doctor he is a stud and he wishes all his patients kept themselves in such good shape. That should be a new goal of mine actually, and now it is; the man works out every single day and is pretty health conscious. But since the beginning of last year I started working out, not as a resolution because nobody sticks to those, but as a lifestyle change. I hadn’t done as well as I had hoped, but only a crazy person thinks they’re going to become a daily gym junkie without forcing it to happen. So I go a few times a week, almost every week. Sometimes I slack, get all social and skip gymming it for my friends and drinking and partying, but shit, I’m 25 and single, why not? I deserve some fun, just gotta get back at it the next possible chance. That’s where my issue lies, the next possible chance is always when I’m too lazy to go or find something better to do. I really need to start holding myself accountable, I need someone else to hold me accountable, help me out guys! But having said that, I am proud of the progress I have made, lost 20 pounds in 2012 and hoping for at least the same, maybe 30 pounds in 2013. Sounds like a lot to lose from my short 5’5” stature but I’m a thick girl built of big bones and big muscles, that this lazy bum let turn to fat over the past six years. For those super curious people, a whopping 165 is what I weight currently, I wear it well because I’m curvy and muscular, but is till am not happy with what I see, and its not based on other peoples standards for once. Tonight I wanna go to the gym, planned to go, but realized it’s the first Monday of the month, and my gym, so idiotically gives away free pizza on the first Monday of every month. This crowds the gym full of people who never usually go, and on top of that we’ve got the New Year’s resolutioners. Yikes, maybe today would be a good workout at home day. Either way I want to hold myself accountable and get my ass in there. It helps that the bottom line of every page in my planner says “Get your ass to the gym!! J”

Thanks for tuning in, I’m hoping I get my shit together and plan out this weight loss journey, what I good time to start really, a whole year to make this progress and maybe more! But I need all of you, keep reading, leave me a comment, some inspiration, some something, I can’t do it alone people!!

Hope yall have a fantastic Monday!

This is my new moto, for life.





The Dating Game

Alright yall, this post is going to be vain and full of selfies because I’m gonna talk about dating today! dun dun dunnn! It’s an area of my life I haven’t been the most successful in as of late, which is weird because I had boyfriends in high school and they were all great catches at the time, and to be honest I find myself to be a pretty good catch. Where did I take a wrong turn? Haha Maybe I can start by not weighing too much on my adolescent relationships because life is different now and I’m not looking for the same qualities in a man that I was then, and I know more what I want now than I did then.

I have only been on two dates in my life. I don’t count the dates with people I’m already in a relationship with, which until about six years ago was the case. Thankfully I have not been single that whole time, I’d go crazy! I’m a relationship person, I’m just happier in a relationship. Two of those six years were wasted spent on guys who refused to commit to an exclusive relationship, but out of loneliness and love for the other, I stayed. But I decided wasted shouldn’t be a good word for my time spent because I did learn what I didn’t want from dating those two guys.

I should point out I’ve never had a serious relationship in my life, I’ve never even been able to hold a relationship for a year; so this kind of worries me because if I ever get married, I’d like to be with someone for a few years first, and I wanted to get married younger. Well, life doesn’t care about what you want.

I think my number one problem is the way I meet guys, obviously we all know meeting a guy in a bar usually ends up in failure. I haven’t figured out the exact science of it, but people meeting drunk in bars usually ends up one way, not the way I’m down with. I also tried online dating but was too chicken shit to ever actually go out on a date, so I don’t even know that I could say I tried it. That’s my problem, I’m a nervous nelly, I get so anxiety ridden that I talk myself out of things before I can even start them and just bail all together. So finally, I got set up by a good friend and tried a first date. Man was I NERVOUS before hand, I’m not even sure if it was the guy or my anxiety but I thought I was gonna puke. Thankfully, once it got started I was comfortable and it went well. Unfortunately after that I was just turned off by some things the guy did in the days to come so that fizzled out and we never went on a second date.

The second first date I went on I think most people would have a red flag from the beginning but I’m a nice person who gives people chances, even the wrong people. The red flag should’ve been that he only hit on me because my hotter best friend rejected him first. But he was cute and so darn persistent so I finally went out with him; which also went well. We talked almost every day for like 3 weeks and for the past few days it’s starting to fizzle out, and it’s because of me, talking myself out of things again. He asked for a second date several times and I said yes, but I bailed when it finally came down to it. I can’t even figure out why but I guess I figured I must not be that into him if I keep wanting to find excuses not to go. So another one bites the dust.

I thought having a pretty good idea of my perfect guy would help me find a dude better, but it makes you a lot more picky and finding a man a lot harder. Not every guy is going to be tall, dark, handsome, manly and a gentleman among the other qualities I have cooked up in my brain.

Another big problem I have is being shallow; I have no problem admitting that physical attraction is very important to me. I can’t/won’t date you if I don’t find you attractive, sorry I’m not sorry. The reason it’s a big problem is because I literally ONLY get asked out by guys who I’m not attracted to. What gives? This is just the way of the world for me I think. So after pondering the situation way too much, I’m a big thinker, I realized that the right man has not yet been plopped in front of me yet because I have a lot of work to do on myself. I struggle with insecurity, lack of confidence and depression. (Yes that’s not going to be apparent with all the selfies, but hey, I’m trying to promote myself here!) So my motto has been “who’s gonna love you, if you don’t love you.” Someday I’ll get that confidence locked in where is supposed to be (almost there!) and I’ll have my depression under control (also almost there!) and the right guy is going to see how amazing I am and swoon and sweep me off my feet. Yup, that’s how it’s ending.

Should I give you guys a short faux dating profile “about me”? Sure!

I’m 5’5”, curvy/athletic with strawberry blonde hair. I have the biggest heart you’ll ever find, I’m a great listener, I love to laugh till my stomach hurts, and I love to play sports, volleyball being my favorite. If I could be reincarnated into anything, it would be a fish because I love the water; nothing makes me happier than being on the lake, unless its laughing till my abs hurt on the lake. I work full time at a good job, own my own car and live with roommates in the city.

See, what a catch! Now here’s some selfies because physical appearance matters, I don’t care who you are. If you like someone for their personality that’s a double bonus, but I’ll bet you didn’t get there before deciding they were cute.

 

Annnd a cute article about why you should should date a Mid-Westerner... (im from Michigan) and these are all accurate!

http://dating.redeyechicago.com/date-report/23-reasons-to-date-a-midwesterner/#


Have a fantastic day yall! Hope you enjoyed this post and as always don’t be too shy to request anything you’d like to read about in the future!

 

The Fam

I am the youngest of three children, and the spoiled stereotype of being the youngest was true for quite some time; probably until I got my big girl job a few years ago. My family is seriously the best, a lot of people dread family get togethers, but I actually quite enjoy them. My mom’s side is really small, I only have one cousin, but my dad’s side is huge, it would take me a few minutes to count my cousins, he has 6 brothers and sisters, all of whom have at least 3 children if not more and some of them have children too. So those family parties are a really good time. My older siblings are a brother, the oldest, and a sister, the middle child.

My brother and I have a good relationship, although it was much closer when we were kids. My mom always told us that I was his little buddy and best friend and he wanted to play with me all the time back then. But as the years go by and we became teenagers we drifted in closeness, but you know, we’re family, so we still love each other. We did have a small falling out one time where he threw a drink in my face and I swung on him. It’s funny to look back because he was twice my size and made me look like a total weakling, and being the sweetheart he is, he apologized 10 minutes later even though both of us were just drunk and wrong. He’s a really good guy and has had some troubles in the past and some shitty friends and people who aren’t very nice to him just because he’s a little naive and kind. Boy if you knew one thing about me you’d know I’m like a pit bull for my brother; I want to straight up hurt and flip out on anyone who’s ever mean to him. Moving on…

Heres a pretty old pic of the sibs and Me (im on the right)

 

My sister and I also have a good relationship, we don’t have the most in common or the closest relationship but she is someone I have always looked up to and admired. She has always been a straight genius, 4.0 student, graduated from the University of Michigan with her Bachelors in Chemistry with a Minor in Spanish; is about to graduate from the University of Michigan College of Pharmacy and she has been married to the first love of her life for over three years now. Oh did I forget to mention how gorgeous she is? Tall, long legs, blond hair, blue eyes, perfect teeth. She has accomplished so much and proved to me that you really can accomplish anything you want to; you just have to work hard at it. I wish I had her drive though. I have wasted a lot of life being lazy and just dreaming and wishing for things instead of getting out there and going after what I want. So just her presence and daily accomplishments are great reminders for me, we lived together so seeing her achieve her goals is really helping me want to try harder to achieve mine.

My parents are two of the greatest parents out there. My dad is like a saint, the kindest man I know of, but I’m biased, he’s my pops and I’m a total daddy’s girl. I call him handy man Vince sometimes because he literally knows how to fix everything and has helped countless people fix their shit instead of having to pay for a company to come do it. He’s also the type to stop for people on the side of the road and help, just a stand up guy. But you know what they say: “Don’t marry a man unless you’d be proud to have a son exactly like him.” Well I think my ma got it right there.  Not to say I’m not actually closer with my mom than my dad, and I love my mom just as much!! She is my best friend; I tell her more than I tell anyone, even my therapist and best friends! Not that she appreciates being told everything, there are some things that are not necessary to tell her, like my wild partying, but I think it’s kind of funny lol. She was the first person I called after my MIP and she wasn’t even furious with me, do you know what a load off that is when your parent isn’t ready to kill you when you mess up? I think her description is that after the first two kids she cared a little less about certain things. This surprises me sometimes because I think I might be her biggest challenge. My brother had his days but they were short lived in his teenage years. I’ve been a crazy depressed, semi-bipolar monster since I was 12 and it hasn’t stopped in 13 years. Thanks mom, for loving me unconditionally.

Lastly our dogs, mom and dad have two miniature schnauzers, Maverick and Molly. My sister and her hub have two dogs as well, a tea cup miniature schnauzer, Chloe and a boxer/lab mix, Henrik/Hank. Our first family dog was Sergei, another minature schnauzer (we have a thing for schnauzers and the Detroit Red Wings, so what?) but he passed on a few years ago and mom got Mav and Mol with me, Maverick threw up on me the first day we got him, poor little nervous nelly he is. But my favorite, and I shouldn’t play favorites, is Hank. He is a big old ball of love. He knows he can’t jump on people so his ways of giving affection are leaning his whole body weight on you, or leaning his head into your hug if you kneel down to hug him. It melts my heart when he does that, he even knows when I’m sad. He will walk over if I’m crying and put his head in my lap and just stare and wag his tail, like don’t be sad KC, whats there to be sad about, life is about toys and sleeping and love!!

    

 

This is Sergei and Me, Chrismas time a few years ago        This is Molly and Maverick :)

 

And my little roomate nuggets, Chloe and Hank! :)

 

Hope you all enjoyed a slightly shorter, less serious post. I hope to get into more recent stuff soon, finally getting past the life story so far moments.

As always, feel free to comment, and/or leave requests for what you’d like to read about.

Have a wonderful day yall!! J