Inner Beauty

Watching an old school episode of MADE on MTV on my lunch break is what prompted today’s topic. Long story short the girl was a big tomboy and a bully with a foul mouth who wanted to be made into a pageant girl, a.k.a more proper. She talked about not being pretty and how she never has felt pretty in her entire life, and wishing she looked more like her friends. This made me think a lot about inner beauty and how it’s really important to recognize in yourself and other people.

There are a lot of people in this world who weren’t blessed with good looks, but are the most beautiful people, because of who they are. Just as there are some very good looking people in this world who are actually ugly because of who they truly are on the inside. Inner beauty shines out, so does inner ugly.

I felt such a relationship to this girl on the show because I was just like her when I was going through puberty. I’m sure my parents and friends would all say I’ve always been beautiful. Who is ever going to honestly tell you, “Sorry, you’re just not pretty”… let’s be honest. But my point is, I never felt that way for a very long time, I still have a hard time admitting to thinking I’m pretty (I have some fear of coming off conceited if I talk like that). I was a tomboy, always had my hair up, playing sports, cussing, but thankfully never a bully, and also, not the cutest; I actually was mistaken for a boy in my class when I had an awful haircut as a child. True story. Back to my point; it sucks to not feel pretty, because as we know, in our society looks matter.

 I struggled for a long time to be happy because all that mattered to me was how I looked. I was young and hadn’t even begun to discover who I was as a person yet, aside from what I looked like so I focused a lot on being teased for being overweight or ugly or boyish. I always had boys as friends but never any boys who had crushes on me. Not until I was in high school really. I wish it hadn’t taken me this long to get here, but I have finally gotten a really good grasp on who I am as a person. And do you know what, as it pains me to say it because I don’t want to come off conceited, I AM BEAUTIFUL.

I am beautiful because of who I am, nothing to do with looks at all. I don’t think I’m perfect, I definitely have flaws. But how I came to the conclusion of this is that my intentions are never ill. I have a bigger heart than I sometimes would like. Only once in my life has someone ever hurt me enough that I couldn’t give them any more chances. But even so, my heart still feels for that person on occasion, I don’t wish ill upon them, because I’m a kind person, I’d like to think. I also am beautiful because of my ability to laugh and make others laugh. I find humor healing and it definitely helps to not take things so seriously sometimes. Life needs to be fun.

The two things I do find ugly in myself are my negativity and lack of patience, which inspired my blog title. Not like I need to say much about it, we all know those are not good qualities, we all probably struggle with it. What I’m striving for is to get better with those things, and thankfully, with A LOT of hard work, I’m getting there, slowly but surely. Baby steps.  That’s what this journey is all about. I’m on a journey for inner peace, not happiness. Happiness is not a destination; it is inner peace; learning to be okay with the things life throws at you and still moving on peacefully with your life.

All in all I just really want to encourage everyone to always, always look within for self-worth. Looks truly shouldn’t matter, I know they do, and physical attraction and all that crap matters, but you know what I mean. It’s important to love yourself as a person, that’s where confidence should truly come from.

For now I leave you with a funny picture I found today. I’m terrible at accepting compliments so I found it funny, and yes im foul mouthed, love it or leave it, sorry! Leave me some love or suggestions on what I should write next please! Have a fantastical Friday friends! J