Today we’re gonna talk about body issues, quite possibly one
of the most widely discuss topics out there. My issues started at the age of
10, when during my class birthday party at school, a boy called me fat for
having more than one candy bar. I’m not even sure if I was “fat” or overweight
at the time, but that stuck with me forever. I don’t still think about the kid,
or hold it against him, but I wonder if I would’ve ever had these serious
issues had he not said anything. Maybe my body issues go along with my
depression, because some days I don’t notice my flaws at all or don’t hate them
as much as usual, and other days I beat myself up terribly over the extra
weight I carry around. We all know society holds people to pretty high
standards when it comes to physical appearance, and I have doubts it will ever
change; at least probably not in my life time. So I think that is exactly where
my issues came from, other than that stupid comment in middle school.
I’ve always been a pretty active person, played every sport
there was from grade school through high school and I still exercise to this
day. I just have had periods of no activity and being comfortable in my
routine. I’ll bet someone else knows what it’s like to get into that boyfriend
stage and eat out all the time and forget the gym membership you’re wasting
money on by never going. So those are really my worst downfalls, social
situations. I love to have a good time, and let’s be honest, majority of the
time I would prefer to be having a blast at a bar rather than a gym. But the
gym isn’t exactly supposed to be fun so that’s just another lame excuse, people
don’t always go to the gym because they want
to, but they go because they should.
And by should I mean it’s good for you, so do it!
So here’s where actually being overweight started, because I
think all my years in middle school and high school were wasted years of hating
my body that Lord knows I would kill to have back. I always thought I was a
bigger girl because all my friends are stick thin skinny minnies. So it all
started in 2007. I had been dating this
guy for almost a year and fell into that comfortable stage I was talking about
earlier. I’m not exactly sure how much weight I gained during the process, but I
ended up at 170 lbs. That is a lot for a 5’3” (at the time) girl. I have always
been thicker boned and muscular so I carry the weight well, but I think that’s another
thing I attribute to being fat. I’m built very different from all of my friends
so I had grown up hating my body, what a waste of energy I’m finding that was
and is. So here we are at 170 lbs, my insecurity gets the best of me, always, I
used to be insanely insecure and it has gotten the best of my and all of my
relationships until this point in my life. Thankfully due to this new stage in
my life I have found a world full of confidence I never knew I could have and
never thought I deserved it or would find it. So we broke up, because of the
insecurity, and I don’t blame him, it’s an ugly thing and I wasn’t proud of it.
So I hired a personal trainer to whoop my butt into shape, and that he did. I
lost 20 lbs and was feeling pretty damn good, despite how expensive the
sessions were. I don’t regret it, because it helped me, but I don’t know that I’d
ever pay so much for that type of thing again.
So five years have passed since then, and I’m not sure how
the weight piled back on, but there were a few relationships in there, some
spurts of depression, poor life choices, and one surgery that left me unable to
exercise for a few weeks. I skyrocketed to 185 lbs. Good Lord for a short girl
that is not attractive, and of course nobody would tell me I looked bad,
because fortunately I do carry my weight very well. It doesn’t mean I should
think I’m healthy and be happy with it though, and I wasn’t, and still aren’t.
So in February of 2012 I joined a gym, desperate to lose weight. I’m not sure
what my issue is, maybe a combo of not enough exercise and needing a better
diet, but I have a really hard time losing weight. So I cleaned up my diet a lot,
stopped drinking so much (I’m getting older, I can’t party like I’m 21
forever), exercised more and started to run. I don’t consider myself a runner,
I have asthma and I was a smoker for a long time, and still do smoke sometimes
on the weekends. But I can tell you this for sure; I would attribute my weight
loss now, from drinking less and running more. I have lost 25 lbs in the past
3-4 months! And you best believe I’m not stopping yet. And I should point out
that my goal isn’t to be skinny or rail thin, but I want to be fit, and healthy
looking and not have the BMI of an obese person even though I’m probably only
20 lbs overweight. So friends, help me, push me, encourage me, and inspire me.
I want to keep running, I want to be able to run a mile without stopping, I want
to be able to run a 5k without walking, maybe a half marathon, maybe even a
marathon. Running is amazing, therapeutic and helps me clear my head. It also
has helped me reduce my cellulite considerably and I know how much we women
hate that problem area.
So gist of today: if you are unhappy with your physical appearance,
check yourself. Are you really overweight? Are you eating unhealthy and making
unhealthy choices, developing bad habits? Do you exercise or get any physical
activity? Losing weight/becoming more healthy is not a bad thing, you just need
to make sure your motives are right. Hope my story could maybe shed some light
or inspire anyone to feel like they can do it too!!
As always, feel free to leave me comments, words of wisdom,
or anything else.
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