Why Patience & Positivity

Patience and positivity are two things I have the most trouble with in my life, and maybe anger, but I loop that in with patience usually. I thought it was a good name for my blog because those are my two mantras I have been trying to follow. They go together perfectly and I like that they sort of go together with the whole P beginning letter, maybe someday I can add perseverance once I accomplish these two things on a daily basis! I am not sure which word to write about first because I think I have an equal problem being both things, so let’s go alphabetical on this.

Patience has always been an issue of mine; I’m just not sure I have always noticed it was specifically patience that was the problem. Or maybe I just didn't know the perfect word for my issue, whatever the case; I realized I had a problem while driving. I think anyone who has driven in the car with me can tell you that I have a major problem being patient. I curse, I cut people off, I drive VERY aggressively and get super angry. It is not a pretty sight; it’s actually quite embarrassing after the fact. That’s what one of my biggest issues is; not realizing I’m doing something until afterwards when I feel all silly for getting so worked up. However, the first step is to be able to acknowledge your unhealthy behavior. Second is to be able to know its happening in that moment and put a stop to it right then. I’m on step two of things, I realize I have a huge issue with patience already, so now I am working on figuring out exactly when I’m being impatient, calling myself out for it, and trying to stop it. Some days I am better at this than other days, but hey, I’m a work in progress, we all are.

Positivity is also a daily struggle I have, however I haven’t always been the most negative person. I think this may have developed with puberty, or maybe a little before; probably when that boy called me fat in 5^th grade. The sad part about it is it only started as a physical thing, I am very, very hard on myself when it comes to my physical appearance, and I don’t blame it on that boy, I blame it on myself, and society. I have always been a thicker bodied person; I’m built of an odd mix of athletic and curvy, go figure. I used to think that I had Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD). On bad days I will really beat myself up with that self-hate and self-criticism and tell myself that I am disgusting and any other hurtful word I could come up with; but on my good days I would look back and be like wow, that is a little harsh, yet still I wouldn't tell myself that it was wrong or that I was beautiful. I have gone on this round about for years and just recently jumped off. I’m not sure how or why but I finally started to feel beautiful. I lost 25 lbs. (so far) this year, but who am I kidding its almost over, so probably no more, but there’s always next year! Regardless of all circumstances in life and how much we weigh or what our noses or lips or whatever body part we don’t like looks like, it is importance to practice self-love because life is too short to not love yourself and all that you are blessed to be. Also, I have a quote I like to tell myself in regards to this and finding love: “Who’s gonna love you if you don’t love you”. And it’s true, it’s pretty unattractive to others when someone is constantly bashing themselves and has no confidence, trust me. I promise you I have ruined quite a few of my relationships over my insecurities, and obviously not just that, but I do know it was a huge factor in those situations. So one thing I do to practice self-love so far; is my motivational wall, with motivational sayings and pictures of my friends I have lost at early ages. I also have a post-it with patience, positivity, and a sweet saying to remind myself every day to love myself, pictures will be at the end :)

Driving and body image are not the only two things I struggle with in terms of patience and positivity; I just didn’t want this post to be ten pages long :P haha But thanks for stopping by again and checking this out and giving me a shot. I’m hoping to get more skills in the blogging area and learn what to write about and how to be more entertaining. I should give a forewarning that I have the mouth of a sailor and some pretty obscene humor at times so I apologize if I am ever offensive. As always please feel free to leave comments, and also feel free to ask questions or make requests of what you might like to read about. I hope everyone is having a great weekend!