I felt like high school might be a good post, I really want
to chronicle some of the bigger events in my life to get my readers to know me
better and who I am and what ive been through; to get my story out there, even
if nobody is reading it.
My family moved to
Dexter in October 2002. The summer before freshman year I went to basketball
camp and tryouts at Dexter High School because I loved sports and my parents
thought it’d be a good way to meet some new friends before school started.
Well, it took a while, because a.) I was kind of shy, and b.) nobody there
embraced me, only the seniors, which was only because they felt sorry for me
after finding me in the storage room crying, not because they wanted to be my
friend. So basketball was rocky, I made maybe one friend I was semi-close with
on and off through high school. I quit basketball after the first year; I
wasn’t as skilled as most of the girls and most of them weren’t nice to me.
Plus in such a small community I wasn’t going to move up or get any playing
time if I did, favorites were already locked in before high school.
So onto the next sport, volleyball, I love volleyball and
thought I was really good at it. Apparently not though; when it was time to
move up to JV as a sophomore, they asked me to stay on the freshman team, so
humiliating I’m not even sure why I chose to do so; probably because I love
volleyball a lot. I did make a few good friends actually, three of them are
still good friends of mine to this day. And what do you know; one of them is
not a Dexter native either, probably why we got along so well.
So junior year I opted out of volleyball and all sports all
together and just did the social thing. Junior year was probably one of my
favorite years because of my boyfriend, he was the bom.com and I was pretty
proud to call him mine. He would be my “one that got away” so to speak, but I
know obviously we aren’t meant to be together, I just wish I had done some
things differently, he deserved better. I was always such a boy crazy girl, I
had a boyfriend every year, looking back its funny I was so insecure. The four boyfriends of the four years were
great guys, I’m all sentimental and try to stay in touch, but none of them are
really like that. I’m still friends with them all actually but nobody likes to
reminisce with me about our love, shocking. Haha
So let’s get down to why I claim high school was so
terrible. Well, the new girl that nobody knows anything about is the easiest
target for starting rumors. And yeah I had done some stupid things to try and
gain favor, i.e. getting drunk at parties, kissing girls and flashing my boobs
(ONCE!) Queue the bacon rumor: Apparently I flashed my vagina to some dudes and
it looked like bacon. First I would like to clarify, THAT DID NOT HAPPEN!
Never has, never will. It sounds funny now, especially because it’s not true,
and who would do that?! But people made me out to be some super slut and would
follow me around the hallways screaming “BACON!” and other lovely insults. I
cannot tell you how often I went home crying. This was all pretty hard for me
because I can be a little high strung and take things really personally. I hold
everything in and burry it deep, I don’t like confrontation or to admit I’m not
okay; both things I’m working on. Instead of turning out to someone who cared
about me for help and a listening ear, I leaned to writing really sad poetry
and self-harm. I still encourage writing, just maybe not as sad or about the
same things, but I do not condone self-harm.
Anywho… when I was found out, about the cutting and the
journaling, I was obviously sent straight to a shrink and then onto therapy. My
entire life since then I have been on and off going to a therapist. I have
always seen a shrink, the shrink provides the meds that keep me stable, but I
have slacked and stopped taking them before, I struggle with not wanting to
have to be medicated to be normal. But I do realize is a chemical imbalance so it’s
not my fault and if I want to feel okay I might need the meds, hence why I am
back in therapy and on them again.
I just wanted to get my bullying story out there today; I
have had people call me fat, ugly, slutty, stupid, so many names, just like
many of you have. I am so against bullying because of this, and not just
because of my personal experience, but because I am a lover with a huge heart,
I don’t believe in treating people so poorly. I do need to remind myself of my
own advice sometimes though, I get in gossipy moods and some days I feel like
that’s bullying too, talking about others. I have long-since wanted to get
involved in an anti-bullying program, maybe be a speaker, or just get involved
somehow. If anyone knows of anything I would really love to hear about any
opportunities. I would also love to hear your stories too. I never want anyone
to feel how I did, to resort to the methods I did. I wouldn’t wish that feeling
on even my worst enemies. So please, feel free if EVER you are feeling
low, sad or just need to talk to someone, my email should be listed here, you
can comment on this post, contact me any way possible!! I just don’t want you
feeling alone or making a poor choice!
As always thanks for tuning in to hear my story, anything
you want to know or read about please feel free to leave a comment or email me!
Have a great day yall!! J
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